L’amour n’est évidemment pas une habitude comme les autres. Reste que pour comprendre l’amour, comme pour comprendre comment certaines habitudes s’installent et se modifient, un parallèle entre les deux peut être éclairant. De la rencontre à la rupture, analyse entre quatre temps des points communs.

Nos histoires d’amour peuvent nous en apprendre beaucoup sur nous, nos manières de faire, nos habitudes et toutes nos autres routines.

Je ne parle pas ici de la passion que vous pouvez éprouver pour certaines de vos habitudes. Bien sûr, le lien affectif que vous développerez avec quelques-unes de vos routines pourra vous aider à en adopter certaines, en changer d’autres voire à abandonner les plus néfastes. Car aimer quelque chose est un bon début pour trouver en vous les ressources pour vous adapter…

Je parle ici de quatre enseignements tirés des histoires d’amour, qui peuvent transformer vos habitudes en une love story. À partir de mes recherches récentes, plongeons ensemble dans le monde de la romance…

La rencontre ou les « schémas » plutôt que le potentiel

Nous nous souvenons tous probablement de la phase qui suit la première rencontre avec une personne. Parfois, nous pouvons rapidement nous dire : « Il ou elle n’est pas pour moi. » Le plus souvent, cependant, lorsque nous commençons à fréquenter quelqu’un, nous voyons d’abord son potentiel. L’autre personne se montre sous son meilleur jour, peut-être en affichant un profil en ligne avec de nombreuses qualités, en affirmant qu’elle est organisée et fiable, etc.

Pourtant, lorsque vous vous rencontrez, elle a vingt minutes de retard et vous fait attendre. Vous vous êtes peut-être dit : « Ah, je suis sûr qu’elle sera à la hauteur de son potentiel… un jour. » Il semblerait pourtant judicieux de se concentrer plutôt sur ses schémas, son quotidien. Que vous montre-t-elle en ce sens ?

À lire aussi : Au Moyen Âge, l’état amoureux était parfois synonyme de maladie

Il en va de même pour nos habitudes. Vous pouvez vous offrir un abonnement coûteux à une salle de sport, car cela présente un grand potentiel pour votre bien-être. Cependant, au quotidien, des urgences peuvent se présenter, des choses inattendues, et vous êtes alors susceptible de mettre la salle de sport au second plan. Adopter un programme d’entraînement à domicile pourrait donc être une meilleure solution, car cela vous permettrait de faire face aux imprévus quotidiens, tels qu’un enfant malade, un projet professionnel qui prend plus de temps qu’imaginé, etc.

Les premiers temps : s’investir sans se sacrifier

Vous vous êtes engagé dans une relation, et nous sommes nombreux à faire des sacrifices pour que cela fonctionne dès le départ. Pourtant, selon certaines recherches sur les relations, trop de sacrifices ne sont pas une bonne chose. Tout d’abord, la plupart des partenaires ne sont même pas conscients que l’autre fait des sacrifices et, deuxièmement, même s’ils le remarquent, ils peuvent avoir des sentiments mitigés à ce sujet, comme la culpabilité. En d’autres termes, dans les relations, les efforts et l’investissement sont une bonne chose, mais des sacrifices trop élevés ont souvent l’effet inverse à celui recherché.

Adoptez la même approche pour vos habitudes. Investissez-vous dans tel ou tel projet professionnel, travaillez dur, mais ne faites pas des nocturnes quotidiennes, au détriment de votre santé et d’autres aspects de votre vie. Vos collègues, votre hiérarchie ou encore vos clients n’auraient sans doute pas conscience de ces sacrifices. L’équilibre est essentiel.

La phase intermédiaire : un peu de piment ne nuit pas

Pour que la relation reste passionnante, savoir la pimenter peut apporter de réels bénéfices. Il ne s’agit pas ici de disputes violentes, mais simplement de maintenir l’intérêt et de changer certaines approches, d’essayer un nouveau restaurant, de se lancer dans un nouveau passe-temps…

En ce qui concerne vos habitudes, il est bon d’être constant, mais, là aussi, de nouvelles aventures peuvent être bénéfiques. Comment pouvez-vous changer votre routine ? Peut-être devriez-vous trouver un partenaire d’entraînement ou emprunter un autre chemin pour aller au travail…

La rupture : le moment du bon lâcher-prise

Parfois, malgré tout l’investissement et les tentatives de pimenter la relation, cela ne marche pas. Bonne nouvelle : ce n’est pas grave ! Cela signifie peut-être simplement que vous n’étiez pas compatibles, que vous n’aviez pas les mêmes valeurs, et qu’il vaut mieux lâcher prise plutôt que de s’acharner.

Soyez également honnête avec vous-même en ce qui concerne vos habitudes. Certaines habitudes ont peut-être fonctionné dans le passé, mais vous les avez dépassées. Il est maintenant temps de faire de la place pour quelque chose de nouveau, sans mauvaise conscience.

En cette Saint-Valentin, veillez à investir dans la relation la plus importante et la plus longue que vous aurez jamais. Celle que vous entretenez avec vous-même. Les habitudes font partie des fondements de cette relation. Nos habitudes quotidiennes façonnent notre mode de vie, alors veillez à faire des choix judicieux, à bien investir et à savoir quand commencer quelque chose de nouveau. Et joyeuse Saint-Valentin à tous !

Julia Milner ne travaille pas, ne conseille pas, ne possède pas de parts, ne reçoit pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'a déclaré aucune autre affiliation que son organisme de recherche.

The rain hasn’t stopped for hours. Wind rattles the shelter’s windows as the storm outside swells, flooding the streets they used to call home. In a crowded gym, a family of four sit huddled together on makeshift beds pushed side by side each other. The parents wrap donated blankets around their shoulders; the teenagers lean against each other. Someone suggests a movie: something light, something old. They settle on a childhood favourite, a worn-out Pixar film, its colours flickering softly on the phone screen. Familiar voices, the opening music, the brand logo before the title… For a few minutes, it feels like the flood damage caused to their home no longer matters because they are together.

This is not just nostalgia. Research shows it is a form of collective coping. When the world feels unstable, why do we cling to familiar household brands and family rituals?

A study in everyday survival

In our recent research published in the International Journal of Research in Marketing, we explored how families use everyday brands and consumer rituals to restore a shared sense of identity after major life-changing disruptions.

Drawing on interviews and the diaries of 22 French families during the Covid-19 lockdowns, we found that major life disruptions, sudden collective shocks like pandemics, wars, or natural disasters, destabilise shared identities. When crisis strikes, family units don’t merely adapt their routines; they rebuild who they are together through consumption.

Brands act as scaffolding for reconstructing “who we are together”. Products, platforms, and rituals, from Netflix series to board games to family meals, become tools for resilience and belonging.

And this pattern extends well beyond Covid. In an era of growing environmental volatility, it matters more than ever. According to global risk reports, the number of natural disasters causing major economic losses is at record highs. As more and more communities around the world face upheaval, these small, mundane gestures of consumption are likely to become even more vital.

How we make sense when the world stops making sense

The study identifies three-way people use shared consumption to soothe anxiety and reclaim a sense of belonging.

1) Ritualised structuring: re-creating routine

When time feels suspended, people rebuild daily habits through familiar brands. This can involve watching the same show every night at eight to mark family time or deciding that Tuesday night is reserved for a sisterly chat over WhatsApp while watching a cooking show. Even a simple coffee in a beloved mug every morning can signal the start of “normal” life again.

These rituals restore predictability and reinforce family structure: who does what, when, and with whom?

2) Collective revalorising: rediscovering shared fun

Shared consumption becomes a new form of togetherness. Families dust off old board games like Monopoly and Cluedo. Parents can cook with kids using brands that “belong” to the household (e.g. Nutella pancakes, Lego projects). The activity is not about the brand itself; it is about reasserting family character traits: “We’re playful,” “We’re resilient,” “We do this together.”

3) Intergenerational romanticising: reviving lineage

Families can also turn to the past for comfort, rewatching classics from childhood, cooking passed down recipes, or creating family newsletters to share stories across generations. These rituals ease anxiety by reconnecting with lineage and continuity. A form of quiet resistance to the fear that the future is slipping away.

Together, these practices form a kind of psychological architecture: a way to impose meaning, order, and belonging amidst chaos.

What brands really mean in a crisis

Not all brands can play that role. The ones that endure crises often do so not because they shout louder, but because they embody stability, shared experience, and emotional legacy.

During an economic downturn or after a parent’s layoff, trusted retailers can become family anchors and symbols that life can still be rearranged. A brand like Ikea, for example, could help families adjust to smaller homes by buying back larger furniture and offering adaptable, modular pieces that transform rooms into communal areas. That kind of gesture does more than move products: it helps families reimagine togetherness and regain a sense of control.

In climate disasters, local brands can strengthen communities and become symbols of solidarity. After the 2025 Texas flash floods, Walmart offered free meals to affected families. Initiatives like that could go further, for example by creating spaces where families gather, connect, and rest. The value is not just in the food; it is in rebuilding collective morale.

Even in political upheaval, cultural and media brands provide continuity. National broadcasters, for instance, can help by reviving beloved classic films that families can watch together. A subtle act of collective reassurance, reminding people of their shared cultural heritage.

The insight is simple but powerful: during disruption, consumption is not escapism. It’s sense making.

Belonging as a Business Asset

If brands can become emotional lifelines, it is because consumption in moments of rupture is not mindless escapism. Sharing a meal, lighting the same candle, queuing up the same movie… these acts whisper, “We’re still ourselves.”

The brands that subsist are not the ones that dominate conversations, but those that quietly fit into our family coping mechanisms. Our research shows that brands become vectors of family history, creators of gathering occasions, and delineators of individual, relational, and collective times and activities. They are, in effect, identity technologies which act as everyday anchors for group belonging and continuity.

As societies face mounting major challenges, from climate anxiety to digital disconnection and geopolitical tension, the emotional dimension of the marketplace will matter more than ever. When the world falls apart, the brands we hold onto are not about consumption at all; they are about remembering who we are.

A weekly e-mail in English featuring expertise from scholars and researchers. It provides an introduction to the diversity of research coming out of the continent and considers some of the key issues facing European countries. Get the newsletter!

Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.

Our love stories speak volumes about habit building and the quirks that become part of our daily routines… and vice versa!

By this, I’m not talking about being passionate about certain habits. But when you enjoy doing something, you are more likely to make it part of your daily routine.

In my latest research, I took a dive into the world of romance by looking at how, throughout the four stages of a love affair, we can become “routine lovers”.

The dating phase: Patterns over potential

We all probably remember the first stage of getting to know someone. Sometimes we say fairly early on, “Okay, this is not for me,” but often at the start of the dating game we see potential. The other person puts on their best front, maybe via an online profile with wonderful attributes, stating how organised and reliable they are. Yet, when you meet for the date, they are always 20 minutes late and keep you waiting. You might say to yourself, “Ah, I am sure one day they’ll live up to their potential,” yet it’s wiser to focus on patterns that emerge and their day-to-day. What you see is what you get.

You might buy yourself an expensive gym membership, as this habit would give your well-being a huge boost. However, as more pressing matters and unexpected events arise in everyday life, going to the gym takes a backseat; so a home workout program might actually be a better fit, as it would allow you to deal with life’s curveballs, such as a sick child or a work project that ends up being more time-consuming than initially planned, etc.

The early relationship phase: Invest yet don’t sacrifice

So, you entered the relationship and made sacrifices to make it work. Yet according to relationship research, too much sacrifice is not a good thing. First of all, most partners aren’t even aware that the other person has made sacrifices and second of all, even if they do notice, they might have mixed feelings about it, like guilt. In other words, effort and investment are good for relationships, whereas big sacrifices often backfire.

The same applies to our habits. Invest in that work project, put the graft in, but don’t work all hours on a continuous basis and sacrifice your health and other parts of your life. The sacrifices you make aren’t even likely to register with your chain of command, work colleagues or clients. Balance is key.

The ‘in between’ phase: Drama, baby

To keep relationships exciting, some drama can bear fruit. We are not talking about huge fights here, but keeping it interesting and changing some approaches, like trying a new place to eat out or taking up a new hobby. Consistency is great for building habits but adding some new adventures to the mix can benefit them too. How can you tweak your routine? Maybe find a workout buddy or take a different route to work, for instance.

The breakup: Letting go

Sometimes it doesn’t work out and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean the other person is evil; it might just mean that you weren’t compatible or shared the same values, and that it’s better to let go instead of letting it drag on.

Be honest with yourself when it comes to your habits. Some habits might have worked in the past, but you may have outgrown them. Now it’s time to make way for something new, without having a guilty conscience.

Note to self

This Valentine’s make sure you invest in the most important relationship and the longest one you will ever have. The one with yourself. Habits are part of the building blocks of that relationship. Through our daily habits, we design our lifestyle, so be sure to choose wisely at work and at play, invest well and know when the time is right to start something new. Happy Valentine’s day everyone!

A weekly e-mail in English featuring expertise from scholars and researchers. It provides an introduction to the diversity of research coming out of the continent and considers some of the key issues facing European countries. Get the newsletter!

Les auteurs ne travaillent pas, ne conseillent pas, ne possèdent pas de parts, ne reçoivent pas de fonds d'une organisation qui pourrait tirer profit de cet article, et n'ont déclaré aucune autre affiliation que leur organisme de recherche.